Blue Christmas
December 18, 2021
10:00 am
…on the road you cannot see, this is the night when you can trust that any
direction you go, you will be walking toward the dawn.
-Jan Richardson
direction you go, you will be walking toward the dawn.
-Jan Richardson
Thank you for being with us for this service. We appreciate that it is difficult to be here, and we give thanks for your strength.
It is our intent that this service can be a time when we, with others, acknowledge the “blue” or “darker” feelings we experience during the holidays. For many who have lost a loved one, holidays without them can be painful. Others may experience loneliness, still others may experience a reminder of deep loss. Many feel isolated and disconnected from those who appear to be having a good time. “Season’s Greetings” may not be greetings of joy for everyone.
This service is an Easter liturgy in Advent. We will hear readings that reflect loss and, despite it all, show a way through the grief, isolation, loss, and disconnection that keep us in the shadows. We will be invited to name them, and we will pray together for strength, hope and comfort. The liturgy concludes with the invitation to receive the Sacrament that is God’s gift to the world: the Presence of Jesus, and the promise that, even when things seem at their worst, God is with us.
We are blessed by your presence with us this morning. Thank you for being with us.
The Reverend Stephen Harding
Rector
Advent, 2021
It is our intent that this service can be a time when we, with others, acknowledge the “blue” or “darker” feelings we experience during the holidays. For many who have lost a loved one, holidays without them can be painful. Others may experience loneliness, still others may experience a reminder of deep loss. Many feel isolated and disconnected from those who appear to be having a good time. “Season’s Greetings” may not be greetings of joy for everyone.
This service is an Easter liturgy in Advent. We will hear readings that reflect loss and, despite it all, show a way through the grief, isolation, loss, and disconnection that keep us in the shadows. We will be invited to name them, and we will pray together for strength, hope and comfort. The liturgy concludes with the invitation to receive the Sacrament that is God’s gift to the world: the Presence of Jesus, and the promise that, even when things seem at their worst, God is with us.
We are blessed by your presence with us this morning. Thank you for being with us.
The Reverend Stephen Harding
Rector
Advent, 2021
Order of Worship
Please use the musical prelude and
postlude as time of quiet meditation.
Please use the musical prelude and
postlude as time of quiet meditation.
Prelude
Call to Worship
(Those who are able, please stand)
One: May God, who created the dark and the light be with us.
All: God’s love endures for ever.
One: The night seems dark and it is hard to see the guiding star above us. Invitations to joy sparkle around the
sky, but their cheerful light is so bright they sometimes make the shadows deeper. If we turn our faces
away, what will we see? Something that we want to see? If we dare to look, will we find a glimpse of
loving kindness breaking through?
All: Let us be with each other now, we who stand on the margins and shadows of this moment.
One: Peace be with you.
All: And also with you.
Call to Worship
(Those who are able, please stand)
One: May God, who created the dark and the light be with us.
All: God’s love endures for ever.
One: The night seems dark and it is hard to see the guiding star above us. Invitations to joy sparkle around the
sky, but their cheerful light is so bright they sometimes make the shadows deeper. If we turn our faces
away, what will we see? Something that we want to see? If we dare to look, will we find a glimpse of
loving kindness breaking through?
All: Let us be with each other now, we who stand on the margins and shadows of this moment.
One: Peace be with you.
All: And also with you.
Blessing for the Longest Night
All throughout these months, as the shadows have lengthened, this blessing has
been gathering itself, making ready, preparing for this night.
It has practiced walking in the dark, traveling with its eyes closed, feeling its
way by memory, by touch, by the pull of the moon even as it wanes.
So, believe me when I tell you this blessing will reach you even if you have not light
enough to read it; it will find you even though you cannot see it coming.
You will know the moment of its arriving by your release of the breath you have
held so long; a loosening of the clenching in your hands, of the clutch around your
heart; a thinning of the darkness that had drawn itself around you.
This blessing
does not mean to take the night away but it knows its hidden roads, knows the
resting spots along the path, knows what it means to travel in the company of a friend.
So, when this blessing comes, take its hand. Get up. Set out on the road you cannot see.
This is the night when you can trust that any direction you go, you will be walking toward the dawn.
--Jan Richardson
from The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief
All throughout these months, as the shadows have lengthened, this blessing has
been gathering itself, making ready, preparing for this night.
It has practiced walking in the dark, traveling with its eyes closed, feeling its
way by memory, by touch, by the pull of the moon even as it wanes.
So, believe me when I tell you this blessing will reach you even if you have not light
enough to read it; it will find you even though you cannot see it coming.
You will know the moment of its arriving by your release of the breath you have
held so long; a loosening of the clenching in your hands, of the clutch around your
heart; a thinning of the darkness that had drawn itself around you.
This blessing
does not mean to take the night away but it knows its hidden roads, knows the
resting spots along the path, knows what it means to travel in the company of a friend.
So, when this blessing comes, take its hand. Get up. Set out on the road you cannot see.
This is the night when you can trust that any direction you go, you will be walking toward the dawn.
--Jan Richardson
from The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief
Isaiah 54: 6-10
For the Lord has called you like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing wrath for a moment, I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.
This is like the days of Noah to me: just as I swore that the waters of Noah would never again go over the earth, so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you and will not rebuke you. For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Hear what the spirit is saying to the churches.
People: Thanks be to God.
For the Lord has called you like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, like the wife of a man’s youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing wrath for a moment, I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.
This is like the days of Noah to me: just as I swore that the waters of Noah would never again go over the earth, so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you and will not rebuke you. For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Hear what the spirit is saying to the churches.
People: Thanks be to God.
In Blackwater Woods
by Mary Oliver
by Mary Oliver
Look, the trees in my lifetime
are turning leads back to this: the fires
their own bodies and the black river of loss
into pillars whose other side
of light, is salvation,
are giving off the rich whose meaning
fragrance of cinnamon none of us will ever know
and fulfillment, To live in this world
the long tapers you must be able
of cattails to do three things:
are bursting and floating away over to love what is mortal;
the blue shoulders to hold it
of the ponds, against your bones knowing
and every pond, your own life depends on it;
no matter what its and, when the time comes to let it
name is, is go,
to let it go.
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
Reader Hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.
People Thanks be to God.
are turning leads back to this: the fires
their own bodies and the black river of loss
into pillars whose other side
of light, is salvation,
are giving off the rich whose meaning
fragrance of cinnamon none of us will ever know
and fulfillment, To live in this world
the long tapers you must be able
of cattails to do three things:
are bursting and floating away over to love what is mortal;
the blue shoulders to hold it
of the ponds, against your bones knowing
and every pond, your own life depends on it;
no matter what its and, when the time comes to let it
name is, is go,
to let it go.
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
Reader Hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.
People Thanks be to God.
The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, according to Matthew (11:28-30)
People Praise be to you, Lord Christ.
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
People Glory to you, Lord Christ.
People Praise be to you, Lord Christ.
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
People Glory to you, Lord Christ.
Homily The Rev. Stephen Harding
Candle Lighting & Litany of Remembrance
Leader We light this Advent candle to remember those persons who have been loved and lost. We pause to
remember their name, their face, their voice. We give thanks for the memory that binds them to us this
season which anticipates Christmas.
All May God’s eternal love surround them.
Leader We light the second candle to redeem the pain of loss: the loss of relationships, the loss of jobs, the
loss of health. As we gather up the pain of the past, we offer it to You, O God, asking that into our
open hands. You will place the gift of peace.
All Refresh, restore, renew us, O God, and Lead us into your future.
Leader We light this third candle to remember ourselves this Christmas time. We pause and remember the
past weeks, months and for some of us, years of down times. We remember the poignancy of
memories, the grief, the sadness, the hurts, the pain of reflecting on our own mortality. And we
remember those moments God broke through the darkness with glimpses of grace and joy.
All Let us remember that dawn defeats darkness.
Leader This fourth candle is lit to remember our faith and the gift of hope which God offers to us in the
Christmas story. We remember that God who shares our life,promises us a place and time of no
more pain and suffering.
All Let us remember the one who shows the way and who goes with us into our tomorrow.
Prayers of the People
Intercessor In the spirit of this season, let us now ask our God for what we need for ourselves as we
participate in the holiday season as people coping with our loss, pain, suffering, loneliness, grief,
sadness.
All God, Keep shadows without and light within; let your face shine that we may be saved.
Intercessor God, we come to you this night, each with our own sense of loss, grief, and growing inside us. As
the nights have been growing longer, so has the darkness wrapped itself around our hearts. In this
season of our longest nights, we offer to you all we are holding in our hearts: betrayal, pain, grief, loss
of trust, and traumas some of us cannot put into words. Loving God, hear our prayer,
All God, keep fear without and justice within; comfort, comfort your people.
Intercessor Compassionate God, there are those among us who are grieving over what has been. A death or
loss has changed our experience of the holidays. Once they were a special day for us too, but someone
has died, moved away, ended the relationship, or abused our trust. Or we have lost a job, a dream, a
goal, a cause, or trust in an another. We find ourselves adrift, alone, betrayed, lost. Loving God, hear
our prayer,
All God, keep chaos without and life within; may those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Intercessor The holiday season reminds us of all that used to be and cannot be anymore. The memories of
what was, the fears of what may be, stifle us. All around us we hear the sounds of celebration. But all we
experience is a sense of not and disconnected from others. Please be near us this night. Loving God,
hear our prayer.
All God, keep despair without and hope within; be our deliverance that we may rejoice.
The sounds of celebration, the surrounding love of family and friends, and the decorations of anticipation and shining hopefulness, sometimes become a comment on what is not there for us or on our selves. The contrast between the excitement and preparations for the coming of peace and love, and what we experience, together with the shame of not being able to participate, is written large in our lives.
All Come, O Advent God, and reveal your promise in us now.
Leader Will the Christ, the Child of comfort and peace, really come near to us? Let us share our grieving,
daring to touch its reality in the silence.
A silence is kept.
I invite you to say one word or phrase which describes what lies within your heart, or to join your grieving with that of others in silence. If you wish to say a word or phrase, I will repeat it and pour a symbol of our gathered tears into this bowl.
(Silence and spoken words….)
Our tears come together in this hour. Our weeping is heard by others and our pain, loneliness or loss is held close to the heart of God, who knows all that we feel.
All are invited to come forward with your candle, light it, and place it in the stand in front of the altar.
Concluding prayer, said by all
Lord, soon it will be night. The night is for stillness. Let us be still in the presence of God. The days are shorter, and the nights are longer. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be. The night will be dark. Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our lives rest in you. The night will be quiet. Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all dear to us, and all who have no peace. The night heralds the dawn. Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities. In your name we pray. Amen.
(adapted from the New Zealand Prayer Book)
The Peace
Celebrant The peace of God be always with you.
People And also with you.
All move and gather around the altar for Communion.
Leader We light this Advent candle to remember those persons who have been loved and lost. We pause to
remember their name, their face, their voice. We give thanks for the memory that binds them to us this
season which anticipates Christmas.
All May God’s eternal love surround them.
Leader We light the second candle to redeem the pain of loss: the loss of relationships, the loss of jobs, the
loss of health. As we gather up the pain of the past, we offer it to You, O God, asking that into our
open hands. You will place the gift of peace.
All Refresh, restore, renew us, O God, and Lead us into your future.
Leader We light this third candle to remember ourselves this Christmas time. We pause and remember the
past weeks, months and for some of us, years of down times. We remember the poignancy of
memories, the grief, the sadness, the hurts, the pain of reflecting on our own mortality. And we
remember those moments God broke through the darkness with glimpses of grace and joy.
All Let us remember that dawn defeats darkness.
Leader This fourth candle is lit to remember our faith and the gift of hope which God offers to us in the
Christmas story. We remember that God who shares our life,promises us a place and time of no
more pain and suffering.
All Let us remember the one who shows the way and who goes with us into our tomorrow.
Prayers of the People
Intercessor In the spirit of this season, let us now ask our God for what we need for ourselves as we
participate in the holiday season as people coping with our loss, pain, suffering, loneliness, grief,
sadness.
All God, Keep shadows without and light within; let your face shine that we may be saved.
Intercessor God, we come to you this night, each with our own sense of loss, grief, and growing inside us. As
the nights have been growing longer, so has the darkness wrapped itself around our hearts. In this
season of our longest nights, we offer to you all we are holding in our hearts: betrayal, pain, grief, loss
of trust, and traumas some of us cannot put into words. Loving God, hear our prayer,
All God, keep fear without and justice within; comfort, comfort your people.
Intercessor Compassionate God, there are those among us who are grieving over what has been. A death or
loss has changed our experience of the holidays. Once they were a special day for us too, but someone
has died, moved away, ended the relationship, or abused our trust. Or we have lost a job, a dream, a
goal, a cause, or trust in an another. We find ourselves adrift, alone, betrayed, lost. Loving God, hear
our prayer,
All God, keep chaos without and life within; may those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy.
Intercessor The holiday season reminds us of all that used to be and cannot be anymore. The memories of
what was, the fears of what may be, stifle us. All around us we hear the sounds of celebration. But all we
experience is a sense of not and disconnected from others. Please be near us this night. Loving God,
hear our prayer.
All God, keep despair without and hope within; be our deliverance that we may rejoice.
The sounds of celebration, the surrounding love of family and friends, and the decorations of anticipation and shining hopefulness, sometimes become a comment on what is not there for us or on our selves. The contrast between the excitement and preparations for the coming of peace and love, and what we experience, together with the shame of not being able to participate, is written large in our lives.
All Come, O Advent God, and reveal your promise in us now.
Leader Will the Christ, the Child of comfort and peace, really come near to us? Let us share our grieving,
daring to touch its reality in the silence.
A silence is kept.
I invite you to say one word or phrase which describes what lies within your heart, or to join your grieving with that of others in silence. If you wish to say a word or phrase, I will repeat it and pour a symbol of our gathered tears into this bowl.
(Silence and spoken words….)
Our tears come together in this hour. Our weeping is heard by others and our pain, loneliness or loss is held close to the heart of God, who knows all that we feel.
All are invited to come forward with your candle, light it, and place it in the stand in front of the altar.
Concluding prayer, said by all
Lord, soon it will be night. The night is for stillness. Let us be still in the presence of God. The days are shorter, and the nights are longer. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be. The night will be dark. Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our lives rest in you. The night will be quiet. Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all dear to us, and all who have no peace. The night heralds the dawn. Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities. In your name we pray. Amen.
(adapted from the New Zealand Prayer Book)
The Peace
Celebrant The peace of God be always with you.
People And also with you.
All move and gather around the altar for Communion.
The Holy Communion
Eucharistic Prayer A
Celebrant The Lord be with you.
People And also with you.
Celebrant Lift up your hearts.
People We lift them to the Lord.
Celebrant Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
People It is right to give him thanks and praise.
Then, facing the Holy Table, the Celebrant proceeds
Celebrant It is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and everywhere to give thanks to you, Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth.
Because you sent your beloved Son to redeem us from sin and death, and to make us heirs in him of everlasting life; that when he shall come again in power and great triumph to judge the world, we may without shame or fear rejoice to behold his appearing.
Therefore we praise you, joining our voices with Angels and Archangels and with all the company of heaven, who for ever sing this hymn to proclaim the glory of your Name:
Celebrant and People
Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.
The Celebrant continues
Holy and gracious Father: In your infinite love you made us for yourself, and, when we had fallen into sin and become subject to evil and death, you, in your mercy, sent Jesus Christ, your only and eternal Son, to share our human nature, to live and die as one of us, to reconcile us to you, the God and Father of all.
He stretched out his arms upon the cross, and offered himself, in obedience to your will, a perfect sacrifice for the whole world.
On the night he was handed over to suffering and death, our Lord Jesus Christ took bread; and when he had given thanks to you, he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, and said, "Take, eat: This is my Body, which is given for you. Do this for the remembrance of me."
Therefore we proclaim the mystery of faith:
Celebrant and People
Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.
The Celebrant continues
We celebrate the memorial of our redemption, O Father, in this sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Recalling his death, resurrection, and ascension, we offer you these gifts.
Sanctify them by your Holy Spirit to be for your people the Body of your Son, the holy food of new and unending life in him. Sanctify us also that we may faithfully receive this holy Sacrament, and serve you in unity, constancy, and peace; and at the last day bring us with all your saints into the joy of your eternal kingdom.
All this we ask through your Son Jesus Christ: By him, and with him, and in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit all honor and glory is yours, Almighty Father, now and for ever. AMEN.
And now, as our Savior Christ has taught us, we are bold to say,
Lord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.
Celebrant Alleluia. Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us.
People Therefore let us keep the feast. Alleluia.
People who are online
In union, O Lord with the faithful at every altar of Your church, where the Holy Eucharist is now being celebrated, we desire to offer You praise and thanksgiving. We present to you our souls and bodies with the earnest wish that we may always be united to you. And since we can not now receive you sacramentally, we beseech you to come spiritually into our hearts. We unite ourselves to you, and embrace you with all the affections of our souls. Let nothing ever separate you from us. May we live and die in your love. Amen.
Online leader
Let us spend a few moments reflecting on the fact that God so loved each one of us that God sent God’s Only-Begotten Son into the world for all of us.
[Silence is kept]
Postcommunion Prayer
Let us pray.
Celebrant and People
Almighty and everliving God,
we thank you for feeding us with the spiritual food
of the most precious Body
of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ;
and for assuring us in these holy mysteries
that we are living members of the Body of your Son,
and heirs of your eternal kingdom.
And now, Father, send us out
to do the work you have given us to do,
to love and serve you
as faithful witnesses of Christ our Lord.
To him, to you, and to the Holy Spirit,
be honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.
Blessing
Dismissal
Leader Go in peace to serve the Lord.
People Thanks be to God.
Eucharistic Prayer A
Celebrant The Lord be with you.
People And also with you.
Celebrant Lift up your hearts.
People We lift them to the Lord.
Celebrant Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
People It is right to give him thanks and praise.
Then, facing the Holy Table, the Celebrant proceeds
Celebrant It is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and everywhere to give thanks to you, Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth.
Because you sent your beloved Son to redeem us from sin and death, and to make us heirs in him of everlasting life; that when he shall come again in power and great triumph to judge the world, we may without shame or fear rejoice to behold his appearing.
Therefore we praise you, joining our voices with Angels and Archangels and with all the company of heaven, who for ever sing this hymn to proclaim the glory of your Name:
Celebrant and People
Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory.
Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.
The Celebrant continues
Holy and gracious Father: In your infinite love you made us for yourself, and, when we had fallen into sin and become subject to evil and death, you, in your mercy, sent Jesus Christ, your only and eternal Son, to share our human nature, to live and die as one of us, to reconcile us to you, the God and Father of all.
He stretched out his arms upon the cross, and offered himself, in obedience to your will, a perfect sacrifice for the whole world.
On the night he was handed over to suffering and death, our Lord Jesus Christ took bread; and when he had given thanks to you, he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, and said, "Take, eat: This is my Body, which is given for you. Do this for the remembrance of me."
Therefore we proclaim the mystery of faith:
Celebrant and People
Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.
The Celebrant continues
We celebrate the memorial of our redemption, O Father, in this sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Recalling his death, resurrection, and ascension, we offer you these gifts.
Sanctify them by your Holy Spirit to be for your people the Body of your Son, the holy food of new and unending life in him. Sanctify us also that we may faithfully receive this holy Sacrament, and serve you in unity, constancy, and peace; and at the last day bring us with all your saints into the joy of your eternal kingdom.
All this we ask through your Son Jesus Christ: By him, and with him, and in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit all honor and glory is yours, Almighty Father, now and for ever. AMEN.
And now, as our Savior Christ has taught us, we are bold to say,
Lord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.
Celebrant Alleluia. Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us.
People Therefore let us keep the feast. Alleluia.
People who are online
In union, O Lord with the faithful at every altar of Your church, where the Holy Eucharist is now being celebrated, we desire to offer You praise and thanksgiving. We present to you our souls and bodies with the earnest wish that we may always be united to you. And since we can not now receive you sacramentally, we beseech you to come spiritually into our hearts. We unite ourselves to you, and embrace you with all the affections of our souls. Let nothing ever separate you from us. May we live and die in your love. Amen.
Online leader
Let us spend a few moments reflecting on the fact that God so loved each one of us that God sent God’s Only-Begotten Son into the world for all of us.
[Silence is kept]
Postcommunion Prayer
Let us pray.
Celebrant and People
Almighty and everliving God,
we thank you for feeding us with the spiritual food
of the most precious Body
of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ;
and for assuring us in these holy mysteries
that we are living members of the Body of your Son,
and heirs of your eternal kingdom.
And now, Father, send us out
to do the work you have given us to do,
to love and serve you
as faithful witnesses of Christ our Lord.
To him, to you, and to the Holy Spirit,
be honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.
Blessing
Dismissal
Leader Go in peace to serve the Lord.
People Thanks be to God.
Postlude
************
At the end of the service please feel free to stay in the church for a time of quiet reflection and meditation.
Thank you for being part of this service. May it give you consolation, comfort, and strength to continue walking through this holy season. May you be touched by God’s Grace; and even now, by a moment of joy.
At the end of the service please feel free to stay in the church for a time of quiet reflection and meditation.
Thank you for being part of this service. May it give you consolation, comfort, and strength to continue walking through this holy season. May you be touched by God’s Grace; and even now, by a moment of joy.